My Dad’s a Goldfish – a little incident

I took the Goldfish for coffee and cake at the garden centre. He loves the banoffee pie they serve there.

We had a tour of the shopping area first, which he always enjoys as there is so much to look at. I ask several times if he needs to go to the loo before we went to the coffee shop but he says he doesn’t need to go. He tucks into the huge slice of banoffee pie with gusto but moments later he announces he would soon need to spend a penny.

“Do you need to go right now?”

“No, it’s all right, I can wait.” He sips his coffee. “I hope they have a loo here. I’ll need to spend a penny soon.”

“Shall we go now? We can leave our coffee until we come back.”

“No, I can wait.” He takes another sip of coffee. “I’ll need to spend a penny soon.”

I gather up my bag and take the brakes off the wheelchair. “I’ve not finished my coffee,” he protests. “or my cake.”

“I thought you wanted to spend a penny? We can go to the loo and come back to finish your coffee.”

“Oh, all right then.” I wrap the remains of his pie in a couple of napkins and put it in my handbag, knowing it was unlikely we would come back.

I push the wheelchair to the accessible toilet, open the door, get him out of the wheelchair, hand him his walking stick and he totters over to the loo. I retreat to give him some privacy and wait outside the door. And I wait some more. I’m close to the gardening books but the more interesting books are further away and I don’t want him not to see me as soon as he comes out.

I wait some more. People who pass me several times smile in sympathy when they see the wheelchair.

Eventually, I notice the door handle turning and jump to attention. The Goldfish emerges very slowly, looking rather upset. He vaguely indicates behind him before flinging himself into his chair.

I see the floor is awash with water – well, on closer inspection, I realise it’s urine, some of which has wet his shoes and the hems of his trousers. In a corner of the toilet I spot his abandoned walking stick – and his underpants. At least he had the sense to take them off, which explains the length of time he was in there.

I pick them up, roll them up and shove them in my handbag, thinking the banoffee pie is now beyond saving. I give the floor a bit of a wipe with paper towels and we leave, looking as dignified as we can. To be honest, the Goldfish has already forgotten whatever happened in the toilet and I am reaching the stage of no longer being embarrassed at things which happen when we are out.

Things will happen, even worse things might happen.

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15 thoughts on “My Dad’s a Goldfish – a little incident

  1. You had to hang around, jumping about a bit, legs crossed, outside a toilet which was ‘engaged’ and when the person came out you’d rush in before the door closed!

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  2. Mary, I’ve done worse myself. I once soiled myself in a car in Turkey (the salted beetroot juice and spicy Adana kepab being a culinary adventure too far) and had to find a filthy toilet in a roadside garage to divest myself of the irretrievably messed underpants). Alas, I still recall my embarrassment – I had a passenger in the car.

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  3. Pennies in the slot? That reminds me of a great earthy folk song we used to sing in the Sonachan Hotel (Ardnamurchan)ceilidhs in the 70’s: ” Long time now, since forgot, since a public clutch was a penny-in-the-slot. It’s 3 pence now, and that price goes for a pee, or a —–, or to powder your nose”…

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  4. Mary, your story reminds me so much of my father and his bathroom, not-in-time episodes the last few years in his life. They actually brought me so close to him, I remember them with fondness. My favorite is the time I had to use a blow-dryer on his crotch area with his pants still on him so he didn’t have to change before his doctor appointment (we were already late ). He had a good sense of humor and we laughed about it for days.

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    • Oh, Nancy, your story made me laugh! I can picture myself doing that with dad. The ability to find the humour in such situations is so vital, isn’t it? Thanks for droppng in and commenting.
      How is your neighbour doing?

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  5. I make a mean bonoffi pie Mary I will make one for him next time I making one for family.
    At least it was only a pee he needed it could have been much worse. Xxx

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    • Oh, thank you, he’ll love that, especially if it has loads of cream!
      On this occasion it was only pee! At least when it was the other we were are home.

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